A couple of years ago I was getting back into IFR procedures after a time away from flying, and had just installed some fancy new avionics. I had been deliberately building the maximum number of procedures into each flight and obviously the local controllers had become familiar with my plans. So returning to my local airfield, Canberra International Airport, and changing from Centre to Approach the exchange was:
Me: “Canberra Approach, ABC maintaining 10,000, visual on top with Bravo.”
Approach: (in the indulgent tone of a kindergarten teacher) “ABC, no STARS for you today! Continue present heading, descend to 7000.”
Me: “Present heading descend to 7000. ABC.”
I then went back to my desk and sat down obediently…
—Chris Kelman, Canberra, Australia
My husband and I were flying our Praetor 500 back to our home base at KSJC. A strong jet stream moved our planned route quite a bit north; otherwise it was a long but uneventful flight. As we were landing, I noticed a fire truck on the taxiway near the arrival end of our landing runway. The landing was smooth, and as I turned off the runway onto the taxiway I could see the fire truck racing down the runway we’d just vacated.
After we switched over to Ground, we heard the fire crew request “permission to follow the emergency craft to the gate.” We got our taxi clearance, and as we started to roll, I said, “I think they’re following us!”
Phil said, “No, they’re following someone else to some gate. Probably the Southwest that was behind us.”
Out of curiosity, he called Ground and asked whether there was an emergency aircraft about to arrive. Ground responded, “Oh, didn’t anyone tell you? This is a training drill, and you’ve been cast in the role of the ‘emergency aircraft.’ The trucks will follow you to parking.”
(Note, this was just two months after the time that we did make an emergency landing after losing an engine, and yes, the fire trucks followed us off the runway to our parking stand then, too. Good thing we’re all keeping our training current!)
—Daniel Sternbergh, Palo Alto, California
For the last decade or so I’ve worn a path in a B58 Baron between Yuba County Airport and the Fresno Air Terminal. Returning home one crisp, clear winter evening, I was switched to the NORCAL approach frequency serving the area just south of Merced. A conversation was in progress between the controller and a highly flustered, barely English proficient student pilot, evidently on his first night solo cross-country flight. The controller patiently guided the pilot northbound over the main highway to his destination, Modesto. About eight miles out, the student finally saw MOD and asked to switch to tower frequency. The controller gently but firmly told the student to stay with him on NORCAL. As the controller passed me on the next sector, I asked him how he sweet-talked MOD TOWER into letting him keep talking to the student. The controller replied, “I gave the tower controller two options: a NORDO aircraft on Runway 28R or a smoking hole on a two-mile final!”
God Bless America!
—Bill Williams, Yuba City, California
Some years ago, just after earning my private certificate, having recently been a student pilot myself I knew one when I heard one on the radio. I had just departed Pontiac, Oakland County, Michigan, and was still on tower frequency when a student pilot called the tower. The exchange went as follows:
Student pilot: “Pontiac tower I’m a Cessna Skyhawk 172 eight miles to the west and I’d like to come in to do some pattern practice.”
Tower: “Cessna, eight to the west, did you forget something?” (Gently looking for a tail number.)
Student pilot after a long pause: “…Please?”
That was followed by polite laughter from the tower and a direct request for the tail number.
In the years since I’ve always found the Pontiac controllers to be professional as well as friendly.
—Bruce Dunbar, Ann Arbor, Michigan
We have enough, but just enough. Please send us your cleverest or most embarrassing moment on the radio—or your favorite fix names or airport names—with a subject of “OTA,” to Frank@IFR-Magazine.com. Be sure to include your full name and location.
