I was flying IFR north of Toronto a year or so ago on a VFR day and talking on Center frequency when I heard this exchange. Toronto road traffic is known to be bad, particularly during the afternoon rush hour, which this was.
ATC: “Air Canada xyz, expect Runway 23.”
Air Canada xyz: “Roger, Runway 23 (without a pause) Aw crap!”
ATC: “Air Canada xyz, is there a problem?”
Air Canada xyz: “Sorry about that. No … uh yes, I just saw the traffic getting to my driveway and it’s a killer!”
ATC (wryly): “Roger, sounds like you need a longer driveway.”
—Name withheld by request
I am based at a non-towered field and some days it is more “uncontrolled” than others. Finishing up my two-year flight review the other day my instructor and I heard a traffic call that went something like this:
“Small City Traffic, Piper Three Six Six Alpha Charlie … uh … Charlie Alpha … hell, I don’t know what I am. I’m an airplane. I’m downwind for 21.”
If he made any more calls we missed them, probably laughing too hard.
—Gabe Buntzman, Bowling Green, Kentucky
My father and I were flying over the Colorado Rockies last week, monitoring 121.50, when a United pilot on the ground at Denver started transmitting on guard.
United 123: “Operations, this is United 123 at gate bravo 46. Uh … the flight attendants have just advised us that a passenger has … lost their bowels…”
The transmission ended at that point, presumably as the pilot realized his frequency error. Just a few moments later, someone else chimed in.
Unknown: “They were laughing so hard they forgot to switch radios!”
We got a good laugh out of that one ourselves.
—Eric Larson, Colorado Springs, Colorado
My great grandfather was a Texas Ranger in 1890. One day he was following an outlaw into a dark night. He tied a lantern to his saddle so he could see where he was going. It is the first known use of Saddle Light Navigation.
—Barry McCollom, Kerrville, Texas
One of the reasons I make the yearly pilgrimage to Oshkosh (no self-respecting aficionado would call it AirVenture) is to listen to some of the presentations.
During one of the presentations, a couple of F35 Lightnings decided it was time to make some noise using afterburners (reheat for our British friends). Needless to say, the noise and vibrations halted the presentation several times.
After a few pauses, the presenter was quite humorous when he said: “Wow, what homebuilts!”
—Luca Bencini-Tibo, Weston, Florida
On the way to Atlantic City I heard the following:
Center: “November 123 I have an amended clearance. Advise when ready to copy.”
November 123: “Ready to copy.”
Center: “November 123, TWIRK then direct.”
November 123: “TWIRT then direct. November 123.”
Center: “November 123, readback correct.”
November 123: “Center, was that TWIRT? It won’t enter. November 123.”
Center: “November 123, TWIRK, Kilo.”
November 123: “Oh, my daughter would have gotten that one. November 123.”
Center (audibly laughing): “Oh boy.”
—William Slicer, Charleston, West Virginia
I heard the following flying through Houston’s Class Bravo.
Houston Approach: “Skyhawk 1234A maintain 4500. I was going to climb you but there is a Bonanza coming up from behind and you’re just not fast enough.”
Skyhawk 1234A (laughing): “Well—that’s not very nice!”
—Jay Olmstead, Houston, Texas
We’re running out. Please send us your cleverest or most embarrassing moment on the radio—or your favorite fix names or airport names—with a subject of “OTA,” to Frank@IFR-Magazine.com. Be sure to include your full name and location.
