On the Air

The ride over was smooth and generally clear on a recent flight, but there were intermittent clouds and bumps at 7000:Piper 28D: Allentown Approach, Piper Two Eight Delta, request.Allentown Approach: Go ahead.Piper 28D: We are about to enter a cloud layer at 7000. Is 5000 available? Ive got my 90-year-old dad with me and Id like him to have a smooth ride.Approach: Both of you can godown to 5000.

I called Center back and noted that BEADS was a voluntary reporting point and asked why they were requesting the report. The controller-I think I heard him laughing-said that their shift was ending at 2300 hours and they had a bet as to whether I would reach it before they left for the night.

Nearing PORTL on the TMBRS TWO ARRIVAL for Portland International, Oregon (KPDX) we wonder what we need to make beer at the MYCRO BBREWery? Simple: the FLOWR of the HHOPZ plant! Of course, FFULL SSAIL beer from up the river about 70 miles, is popular at any PUBBB in the area.

Just off the shore of northwest Florida, in the Gulf of Mexico, is HEVVN, an oft-used fix for pilots crossing the Gulf from the southern U.S. over to Florida. I was recently in Alabama and heard this exchange with Atlanta Center.

One Sunday morning my home airport was forecast to have low clouds and drizzle until around 10 a.m., when the rain would stop. I got an early start to the airport to do some approaches before the clouds lifted. I check in with my sister on Sunday mornings, so this day I called her on my way to the airport. She knows that when I call early it usually means Im going flying.

Recently during the government shutdown, Atlanta Center had a hard time communicating with a Citation who seemed to be out of range. They asked me to call up the Citation and tell him that he needed to go to another frequency. We reached the Citation and relayed the message. We reported this back to the Center controller who was grateful for the help. I replied, Happy to help. Well send you a bill.

I fired the flight attendant. And the ticket agent. Pick your own seat. Pour your own glass of wine. Theres no ramp guy either. So you wont see him/her throw your bag into the cart from 20 feet and miss while you watch helplessly from your seat wondering if that nice bottle of red wine has now made all your clothes red.

In August my wife won three free tickets to an NFL pre-season game. We live a few hours away from the stadium, so we decided to fly there. Any excuse to fly, right? I got to the airport earlier in the day (about a half-hour drive from our house) to preflight, and my wife drove up with her dad just before our planned departure time. A few minutes after receiving our IFR clearance to Charlotte/Douglas International Airport-we had been airborne for about 5 minutes-my wife tapped my shoulder with the most panicked looked Id seen. She had left the tickets at home.

Another good rule of thumb is Buys Bullots law: To locate where the bad weather is coming from, put your back to the wind and extend your left arm straight out. Thats where the low pressure bad WX is coming from. It works for me.

Yep, its time to make fun of those who in 2015 ignored sound judgment and lived to garner pilot lounge derision. And, since pilots tend to repeat the same mistakes in hopes of different results, we heed George Orwell who said, We have now sunk to a depth at which the restatement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men. Since no intelligent man or woman stepped forward, its up to me.