On the same day I heard these two baffling one-liner traffic calls:
“Sullivan Traffic, Cirrus aborting the takeoff and departing to the northwest…”
Shortly thereafter, “Orange County Traffic, Diamond on the entry to Runway 45…”
I’m still readjusting my headset in wonder.
—Daniel Spitzer MD, Piermont, New York
Many years ago, early in my instrument training, I was flying out of Holman Field in St. Paul, Minnesota. I was flying with my instructor on a fine VFR day doing a few practice approaches at local airports in the Twin Cities area. We had just taken off from Anoka County airport. I was under the hood and my instructor was on the radio. He called Minneapolis Approach. (Note it was rush hour and there was also road construction backing up traffic on Interstate 35E. There was also a lot of air traffic into and out of Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.)
Instructor: “Minneapolis Approach, Arrow 1234J off Anoka County, VFR climbing to 2500, request.”
MSP Approach: “Arrow 1234J say request.”
Instructor: “Approach we’d like vectors for a practice ILS 14 at Holman Field, 34J.”
MSP Approach: “Arrow 1234J, roger. Squawk 4567 and ident.”
Instructor: “Squawk 4567 and ident, 34J.”
MSP Approach: “Arrow 34J radar contact five southeast of Anoka County. Maintain 2500. Fly heading 110 and follow the traffic jam south on I-35E to intercept the 14 localizer. Cleared practice ILS 14 Approach at Holman Field. Maintain VFR.”
My instructor (while totally cracking up): “Roger….follow the traffic and intercept the 14 localizer…cleared for the approach.”
—Jim Jennis, Winchester, Virginia
While on a recent GA trip to two cities with four business meetings in two days, a colleague and I were entertained by the following exchange on a busy Atlanta approach frequency:
Cessna 1234: “Atlanta Approach, Cessna 1234. 15 miles south of Dekalb-Peachtree Airport.”
Atlanta Approach: “What are you doing in Atlanta Class B without authorization?”
Cessna 1234: “Well, we were enroute VFR to Cobb County Airport. We tried and couldn’t reach you for at least 20 minutes.”
Atlanta Approach: “You can’t do that—you have to stay outside of Class B airspace until in contact with ATC and given specific clearance into the Class B.”
Cessna 1234: “We couldn’t reach you!”
Atlanta Approach: “Squawk 5432 cleared direct Cobb County. Notify when ready to copy and contact ATC upon landing at this phone number….”
—Name withheld by request
I was flying a Citation Jet from Las Vegas to Amarillo and was notified of Thunderbird traffic in front of me coming opposite direction 1000 feet below. ATC also advised the Thunderbird pilot of Citation Jet traffic coming head on 1000 feet above at him. When I saw the Thunderbird F-16, I decided to play a game with him and said “contact” when I saw him. The Thunderbird pilot quickly without delay said a quick, smart, airshow, voiced “contact.” I felt like I had just flown a head-on pass maneuver with a Thunderbird.
—Jason McDuffee, Amarillo, Texas
I had the following exchange with Ground on a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon at Addison Airport in Addison, Texas. It was uncharacteristically not busy. Some Sunday afternoons entail a 30 to 45 minute wait on the taxiway, often with corporate jets cutting the line, but that’s a story for another time…
Ground: “Cessna 108TL, be advised there is a coyote between the runway and taxiway between Golf and Hotel.”
Me: “I have coyote in sight.”
Ground: “108TL, maintain visual separation between you and coyote.”
Me (Chuckling): “Wilco.”
Ground: “Caution, wake turbulence.”
That made me laugh out loud.
—Eric O. Jakimier, Dallas, Texas
Our supply is hitting bottom again. Reruns next month, unless … send us your cleverest or most embarrassing moment on the radio—or your favorite fix names or airport names—with a subject of “OTA,” to Frank@IFR-Magazine.com. Be sure to include your full name and location.
